Originally Posted by
Expanding 
I have been feeling selfish lately, always thinking about myself. I realized that I miss taking care of someone. Can a recovering codie take care of people in a healthy way?
Something doesn't feel right, I feel like I am slipping too far in the other direction, back to where I came from. It is scary and I fear axbf is going to pick up on this and try to get back into my life.
I have a couple parties this weekend that focus on other people so it'll be nice to not be the center of attention (in my own mind). Just remembered something... I had such a fear of being the center of attention that it was the biggest reason why I didn't want to get married (that and I didn't want to see my FOO). I didn't understand what marriage was back then anyway so I am glad I never tied the knot, but wow. I was so outer focused that having attention on my hypothetical wedding day made me uncomfortable. Woof.
I totally understand what you are getting at, I think...
Sometimes codies feel bad about 'feeling selfish' and this may not set well at first. Because well, a true codie can veer toward thinking about their addict(s) and constantly thinking about what their addicts are doing and worrying about their A's...they actually could feel a titch bewildered even after they no longer have the A to fixate on.
Firesprite and Firebold both nailed it though. And all codies need to learn to change their mindset and a good way to do that is by asking new questions!
For right now in your life it IS about YOU.
Now, I'll give you something to think about. Codies can become obsessed with their A's and they can fixate on them and they tend to think more about others than theirselves, right? So WHY do they DO that? What makes a person tend to obsess about another person? Is it really because they are unselfish? I don't think codies are all unselfish people who put other's needs before their own. I know a few codies whom I would consider borderline narcisissts even. My mom being one...Addicts are thought to be narcissistic and they can that way...but some codies can be self centered too. Some of the "people-people" can be self centered too, just as an addict can.
I personally try to remain from labeling others as being a narcissist though unless I see they have several of the characteristics of a true narcissist.
By nature we ALL need to be thinking of ourselves and what's truely best for ourselves. And it's almost like we need to not be thinking in the context of "who I might be with" and what you and a afuture relationship might be doing someday.
That was all said a lot better by previous posters...it's getting late and I'm kind of having a hard time making sense.
At any rate, you are adjusting....you are in the process of changing your whole MINDSET as it regards just yourself and not others. (future tripping)