Thank you for your responses! It means alot.
Anna, I could not word it better myself. I convinced myself over the last few years that it somehow helped my anxiety, but it increased it 10 fold. I can NOT moderate and I realize that, so it's a simple choice. Don't have that first drink.
D122y, I can relate with the hangover lasting days, but that started recently. On top of that, my anxiety is fueled 10x over. I have never benefited from drinking, it has been a lie all this time. It's time to realize if the drinking continues it will only lead down one path, and that ultimately is death. So I would rather deal with my anxiety, and other issues, with a sober and clear mind.