sobersolstice

I woke up and read my journal. It's been crazy how I've repeated the same mistakes. The list of things that alcohol has done is atrocious. Re-reading the journal has made me realize that I do have people I can call. There are online resources. I cannot fear support. I always tried this on my own. Now I know anyone who has been through this doesn't want others to go through it.

I also realize that I don't have much of an appetite. Any time I crave alcohol, I realize that craving can be ameliorated by eating something. Anything. In the beginning, a soda to hold me over until I find food will be fine. It has worked in the past. I think to myself "this tastes so much better than alcohol", then chase down some good healthy calorie dense food. Avoid caffeine. Makes me jittery, and know how that goes. Solid, consistent meals.

Slowly start exercising again. I generally jump in too quickly, but that shock is maybe what I need. I just can't pretend I'm 10 years younger and jump into intense training. I'll start with nature. I pay insane money to live in a beautiful mountain town. I need to cherish it. I will hike and breathe. Drink nourishing water and electrolytes. Starting with hiking should give me some appreciation for life. Flyfishing is always soul enriching and viscerally satisfying.

It's Monday, so I will work on client acquisition. If I feel bad, I can eat a meal, drink some water, and let the feeling pass. I never realized that the cravings wax and wane. Waiting out the waves will be part of this process, even if I need a quick sugar fix while the wave builds.

I'll be logging my progress.