Before I left AH constantly made me feel guilty about as much as possible. I too started to avoid going home. If I knew he would be drunk when I got home, I would go anywhere and come home after midnight to avoid him. Then in the morning- we slept in different rooms- I would wait until he left to rise. I am thinking now- it would have been irrational NOT to leave him. Leaving was the healthy rational thing to do. Yes, it was also very hard. The guilt went way down as soon as I left. The hardest part was making the decision.