Originally Posted by
fini 
...if i find myself feeling desperate, that is a big flag. tells me something isn't "healthy", and then i can look deeper from there and discern if the level of interest seems drastically unequal, or if i'm into a "gottahavegottahave" obsessive mindset.
if/when i find myself keeping track and setting up artificial rules about number of calls and who should pursue whom...things are already wonky.
The more I think about it, the more I agree with you. By setting up rules, of any kind, I am attempting to control the process, which is everything we learn not to do in AA. I can see that ending the relationship before it starts. Having said that, I do believe each party is responsible for maintaining a certain about of communication, just not anything too rigid.