with your ex....I think you were in a no win situation from the get go (though your, obviously, didn't know it at the time)......
Expanding...I know that you are in therapy.....have you ever looked into Adult Children of Alcoholics..(ACOA).....I'm thinking you might find some kindred spirits, there....
One of our forum moderators...Desert Eyes, has had a lot of experience with them, I believe....If you have any interest..I'll bet that he would be willing to give you some input....
(he very rarely bites).....
dandylion