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Old 08-06-2016, 07:05 AM
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ClosetCinephile
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Palm Bay
Posts: 41
First Relationship in Recovery

Good morning all,

I hope this message finds everyone doing well this Saturday. Just finished reading the Daily Reflection for the day, and it's very pertinent to what's going on in the neighborhood in my head these past few days.

I have one year and two months sobriety (but who's counting...), and I've made a lot of progress, I believe. I've been through the steps in their entirety with my sponsor, have sponsored an individual (who went back out, but while he was in the program, reinvigorated my feelings about the program), and I felt a moment where the program clicked for me (no lightning and angelic choir, but a wonderful feeling of peace at the moment).

Here's my question ... I met someone on an online dating site about a month and a half ago. Since day one, we've been chatting, first through text and the dating site, and then on the phone. We have many similarities, and while he is not a member of the program, he is very respectful of the fact that I am working on bettering myself, and I get the impression he has been spending some time working on his own life as well.

We are still discovering our likes and differences, and after two dates, have decided we are going to be exclusive. This may sound extreme, and perhaps it is, but due to opposing work schedules (remind me to come back to this), we're only able to see each other once a week or so. I work a 9-5 job, and he manages a pizza restaurant, with long days, long hours, and plenty of "on your feet" work.

This isn't something I'm used to. I'm 28, and just emerging from a 3-year relationship hiatus. All of my previous relationships have been at college, so I was able to see my partner at least daily.

If you're anything like me, you might be picking up on the issue here. As a recovering alcoholic, and codependent one at that, I'm not taking it well that a) I have no idea when I will see this guy, and b) the fact it's usually once a week. Having said that, we talk on the phone daily and text daily, and the two dates we've been on have been very high quality.

Good news? Through prayer and talking to close friends in and out of the program, I've been able to keep these zany thoughts from him, because, at the end of the day, I realize the issue is not him, but me, and my way of thinking and expectations, which just don't match up with two people trying to get by in life.

I certainly don't want to smother him, and I don't want my overzealous feelings to put a wedge in between us.

So, my question, to those who have walked this road before me is ... how do I work toward accepting someone who's company I truly enjoy, I feel like I'm building a connection with while battling my alcoholic brain that wants to see this person much more often than is healthy?

My hope is to spur a discussion here and bounce thoughts around.

Thank you so much for reading.

CC
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