Originally Posted by
FireSprite 
IDK Liz, from all that you've shared I see him progressively letting you in closer - sharing a home & being so involved with his kids was a big step of trust & respect, IMO. (aside from all the other great "actions" he displays)
I'm wondering if it's no small coincidence that you are feeling that you are "setting yourself up for future heartbreak" following a trip back to court to battle with your Ex? PTSD being what it is, it bleeds over from the trigger into the rest of your life, right?
HA! The court thing was sad. My XAH was completely unprepared. It was the first time I've laid eyes on him for nearly a year and he looked terrible. The judge asked him one question and after my XAH's response, he said, "That was an excuse, sir." After that I just settled in and barely spoke for an hour. I was only asking for what was fair and when the numbers came back in my favor, an extra $220 a month in child support, I waived it and said, "All I wanted was what he was previously paying, that's why we're here." My XAH still didn't seem to get the fact that I could have gone for the jugular at that point.
He is so full of anger and rage. He lied to the judge and when I tried to pull out evidence stating otherwise, because yes I was completely prepared, he shoved his fist at my face in the courtroom and said, "Just, stop. You, just stop talking. I don't want to hear your voice anymore." The judge raised his eyebrows but let it go and I was like, "See this is why we need a third party, either mediator or judge, because he can't be civil.
I try very hard to leave my past behind me, but my son is suffering from the fallout from this disease. I'm working with my bf a lot to get him to understand my son better, as well. To get him to understand that we were all living in survival mode and that my son's disabilities make it even harder for him.
I still fall into the 'woes me' stuff......why did my kid have to be saddled with an alcoholic father, a mother who buried her head in the sand for far too long, ADHD/OCD/Tourette's, and learning disabilities? At some point, there has to be a break.
Yet, we keep plugging along. My son will be 18 soon and I'm looking for state or government resources to help him get job skills and life skills so that he can learn to function on his own. He can drive himself to his appointments, knows his way around this big freaking city surprisingly, still plays tennis and is quite good at it, and is into photography as a side hobby. He gets along really well with the bf's kids to the point that we think the 8 year old has a crush on him, and we even added him as an emergency contact for the school in case they need to be picked up. My bf's ex-wife has met us both and everyone is getting along well.
So, for now, things are just one day at a time. I worry so much about my son, about my financial future, etc. Bf wants me to sell my car and get rid of the loan and then we'll both just drive his 2 cars around. He has a 15 year old Audi and a much newer Grand Cherokee; he said we can share the cars just so I can get a handle on my debt and eventually I'll buy a car in 1-1.5 years.
How's that for a 'light' summation of my life today, LOL!????