Roy, congrats on 11 months!
I just wanted to say I understand. I felt exactly the same way at 11 months....to paraphrase I was miserable sober and miserable when I was drinking. So, why not drink? Because I really, really didn't want to drink again. But, what else was there?
Here on SR I learned, if what we are doing isn't working, try something else.
The only thing I hadn't done was go to AA. So at a year sober, I walked in, petrified. That was 2 months ago and adding the fellowship and beginning the steps Is making all the difference in being happy and recovering versus just not drinking..
This is only my experience - of course everyone has there own path. I just wanted to share because I've been there, and walking into that first meeting gave me hope.