RoyGBiv

Around 6 months something clicked, and I knew I wasnt going to drink. I felt generally content with my little quiet niche I carved out of work and and spending time at home.

Now suddenly I am as miserable as I've been in a long time.

I'm tired of seeing everyone with a significant other; I'm alone, and see no chance of that changing.

I'm tired of the maladies I had as a drinker...that didn't go away. IBS, heartburn, bladder pain, gout attacks. Always thought it was the booze; but nope, here I am at almost a year sober and it's all still here. And the sleep onset insomnia is relentless and defies all (legal) means of treatment.

My face is still red. Rosacea, didn't improve it at all..

I was drunk, lonely, and uncomfortable. Now I'm just lonely and uncomfortable.

Guess I am just looking for some words of encouragement. I feel like if I am going to be alone for the rest of my days, why not pass the time with booze. Sure it'll shorten my life, but I'm not really enjoying it anyway, so why do I care if I shave a few years off the end of it? I know this is stupid thinking, but the logical side of me is losing.

I'm already being treated for depression, and I am in regular contact with my physician. I was doing so well until a few days ago, now I'm crying myself to work in the mornings and holding it in until I get home. My entire perspective has flip flopped from pride and hope, to self loathing and hopelessness, just like flipping a light switch.

anyway, thanks for listening. I wouldn't have made it this long without lurking here. I feel stupid for even posting this, other people are dealing with things so much more severe than I am