Sorry, Shil, that is truly awful.
I think that many alcoholics are self-hating and self-destructive and are on one level trying to kill or at least hurt themselves. Of course, they are usually ambivalent and part of them wants to live, otherwise they would just kill themselves in a more direct manner. This song by Ozzy Osbourne pretty much sums up the mentality of self-destructive drinking for me, written by a guy who was drinking himself to death at the time. Afraid I couldn't find it with English subtitles.