When my ABF went to rehab the first time I bought and read the book "Loving Someone In Recovery" by Beverly Berg.
It describes the situation mentioned about the times when you're partner doesn't want to talk and seems disconnected and offers some insight as to why that is as well as tools you can use to not take it personally.
I enjoyed the book and thought it had some great insight. However, my qualifier did not stay in recovery long so I really couldn't see if any of the things I'd learned would pay off.
But it really helped me to not take everything so personally and to realize that some space was necessary if the relationship is to heal.
Best of luck to you.