WN,
Welcome, and great questions. Us codies will never understand what an addict is going through, only another addict will. She might not want to share this stuff with you and that's ok. Please respect her wishes as this is a one man job, getting sober. Step back and give her space. We enablers are always there to help, but let her reach out when she needs you.
Go and read the new to recovery forum on SR and see how difficult it is to work a program and get sober. Maybe this will give you an insight to what she is going through.
What programs are you working for yourself so that you don't continue to enable your partner. There is a two way street to every relationship and I am sure you can own some of the craziness in your relationship. If she is changing who she is, maybe you could evaluate your contributions to this relationship.
Sending hugs my friend, keep reading and posting.