Oh I so understand that feeling as well!
There were so many times I would search for the vodka and dump it out, or water it down, or even drink it myself once he passed out. I sure showed him!!!
Oh my gosh, and so many other passive aggressive moves that I am so embarrassed of now.
It's like I felt like I had to do something to feel like I had some kind of control over the situation even though everything was so completely out of control....
Hugs to you!!!