Thing is, you might not subscribe to their methods, but, frankly, what you've been doing doesn't seem to be working for you. Possibly time to get willing and open your mind to trying a few things. At the moment you are allowing yourself to be driven by fear. Fear of judgement. Fear of what other people may think of you. Fear of opening yourself up. Yet you are living in a painful place. It could be time to accept some help.
There is plenty of information about making a plan available. Dee's thread is pretty comprehensive. Have you actually looked at it? I was held back a long time by my ego. I thought I knew best, even when all the evidence indicated otherwise. I was one of many who prolonged their misery through contempt prior to investigation. Thankfully I got to the stage where I was a special kind of desperate, and found some willingness. If AA and the steps didn't save my life, it certainly saved my sanity.
By the way. You wouldn't have to share in meetings if you went to AA . No one has to speak in a meeting. In fact, listening is the most important thing you can do. I do share about day to day stuff, and general experiences, but my more personal stuff is strictly between me and my sponsor, who I chose because I trust her, and she has the kind of sobriety that I want for myself.