Thank you Scott
A lot of my fear stems from my surroundings. IT's a small 'city' (pop 200 thousand) very political, everyone knows everyone's business. I have come to hate doctors because they are all affiliated, do not understand addiction or mental illness fully. I have been fired and my medical reputation destroyed by 2 already.
AA is not yet an option for me, and I am frightened of going to the "Medicaid" clinic where I can supposedly find a "counselor" who is badly paid, uninterested and to whom I don't feel I can trust my secrets. I DON'T TRUST ANYONE right now, but I do feel safe here. Everyone always says "go see your doctor here." But, for me, they are hard to find and they are unforgiving and downright cruel. Sorry, I'm so negative, but this is a very negative place. I wish I could move.