Again, thank you everyone.. Lots of suggestions & ideas . I admit I'm in a weird place... I'm trying to start focusing on each day & not further than that.-- it's too much. New anxiety meds also - per my dr...lost 12 lbs since this all started. I am accepting that I cannot control him or the situation, but just my part & how I handle things.
I guess I should have mentioned that a month ago he took a trip on his own to do some soul searching, & came back in such an amazing place.. Said he knew I was his one true love and that he didn't know his all the details would work but he knew that he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life..& couldn't imagine going thru life without me.
I'm still hopeful,& am working on being string...& definitely no more pushing.
I lost my dad to cancer 4 months ago , that plus this has been incredibly tough on me. I pray a lot & am moving..& will soon start al anon meetings or maybe an open aa meeting...
Yes I'd love a fairytale ending, who wouldn't ... But that's not real life. I love him& I accept him for who he is and can't be mad at this man .. Time will tell I guess... In the mean time my story is going to continue ..