Nope, no sponsor. I have had two of them. I carefully waited and asked the first guy. Went pretty well till the 5th step. He wanted to do it after the meeting in the parking lot, and I did not know any better thinking "Okay, well this is how it's done", then he stops me to point out a hot babe walking by, and under a minute later tells me he has a meeting to get too but will text me when he is done.
If you've done the 5th step, it's a raw and exposing one, and for me being a VERY untrusting and VERY private person, I felt like I was left naked in the middle of times square at noon in freezing weather. I had my relapse from hell.
After getting back on track I carefully selected a different kind of sponsor, an older seemingly wiser person, unlike the other younger guy who seemed to be a lot like me. This guy had rules, checking in with him regularly, on a schedule, and well I just don't do well being told what and when to do something.
So with my personality being this way, along with utter distrust of 99.999% of the human race (for apparently some pretty decent reasons two professionals have told me), it will be very hard for me to give another person a try to be a sponsor. Sorry, but some of this stuff is very personal, there is no legally bound right to privacy, and "What we say here stays here" is not all the time the case. Stick around long enough, listen enough, and you will hear someone talking to someone about someone and what they said or did.
So, I know the drill, give someone a try again, gotta do the drill or it won't work, I maybe be sober but I am a drunk sober in the head, heard it, got it crystal clear. But I also know that there is a very very very long list and % of sober people with sponsors who relapsed, AND came back, but certainly a reasonable % that did not come back or drank themselves to death in some way or another.
So today I am on my 370th day of sobriety using the tools I have learned and going to as many meetings as possible and spending a lot of time online first with another site and now this one. Before my relapse in April 2015 I had 2.5 years, and no sponsor would have talked me out of thinking I was actually not a drunk and convinced I was able to drink socially. So, I don't blame lack of sponsorship on my relapse, or my bad days, or my anxiety or fear, since for the most part people WITH sponsors have fears and anxiety, some worse then me, some less then me, but who really knows. And it does not matter. Nor do I blame those WITH sponsors on relapsing because they HAD a sponsor, and I don't buy into the logic that WITHOUT a sponsor they would have relapsed sooner or would not be as healthy.
There are good sponsors and there are bad sponsors, just like there are good lawyers and bad ones, good doctors and bad ones, good financial planners and bad financial planners, you get the gist. We are all different and different things work for everyone. I have nothing against sponsors, I tried it, it did not work for me, and this is not to say I might not give one a try again. And yes I know I can use my shrink and a spiritual leader (priest or similar), got it.
I don't like there there is no licensing to be a sponsor, no minimum time of sobriety to be one. At the end of the meeting people just raise their hands as being available, some or more of whom I have been there long enough to hear some of their tragic stories of relapse and failure, yet they are now sponsoring? Sure, relapse MIGHT be part of sobriety, I mean, how many people stop and never drink again without ONE slip up. I get it. But there is absolutely no criteria to be a sponsor other then you have done the steps and are sober. Too ambiguous. Too many moving parts. Too many variables. NO confidentiality where if someone violates the trust you can sue their ass in court, leaving your only choice to either beat the **** out of them, then risk jail time, or just back away and try someone else.
Anyway, this is what my brain goes through when someone suggests a sponsor being very important for me. Not saying it's not, and I might have one one day. But not today for my own personal reasons. No knock on anyone else. Let me be clear on that point. I am a strong strong advocate of no matter what you do, no matter how you do it, no matter what program you use or don't use, if what ever you are doing is keeping you from drinking day after day, then I am your biggest fan. When you slip and fall and keep trying I am your biggest fan. We just keep fighting, growing, trying new things that work, or sticking with the horse that got you to where you are. It's a wonder we can be sober, so for me I truly believe in a HP. I am not religious, and did not become spiritual when I stopped drinking, I just got to know the spirituality that I always had, that helped me through childhood and my early adult years without me ever knowing I had a HP along with me the whole time. So, I do have a team, a sponsor for lack of better words, it's just not someone that anyone else will see or know.
