Originally Posted by
pndm07 
Thanks for your post. You sound so strong and wise. Isn't it amazing how we tend to blame ourselves, when they are the ones doing us wrong? I also wanted to desperately hold on to the thoughts of the person he was/is when sober. However it's not enough to be sober some of the time, or even most of the time, and then go back into insanity. It is so hard to be objective about it. Sounds like you have made a lot of progress in that direction.
Thank you. I used to wonder why I blamed myself too for things I could logically see were nothing to do with me. I eventually realised the answer. It is because the A manipulates to make you feel that way.
My A parents blameshifted all their problems onto me, I thought it was my fault. AH did exactly the same. All seemed pretty usual to me.
No, addicts have to blame others. It is how they keep existing. In their minds, nothing is their fault. They couldn't keep the addiction going if they accepted responsibility for it.
As a recovering A with 6 years sober myself, I can remember my distorted thinking at the time was that I only drank because of outside things. If .................................. didn't happen, I wouldn't have to drink. Fill in the dots with whatever convenient excuse you want!
No, I drank because my addiction was active. No other reason. I just hung it on other people to make it their fault not mine!