Originally Posted by
Wells 
Such great thoughts and comments in this thread about how WE feel as the outsiders to this disease. Just look at how, over time, it has eroded away over the years of what wonderful qualities we used to see, to the point where we have noticed the changes so much that it has caused what we once thought was the unthinkable -- We don't like them so much anymore!
It sounds like a lot of you in this thread are lifers -- You didn't get married or partner up for a few years of fun. You did it and expected to be next to this person in your golden years. So the initial thoughts of saying goodbye to a person you thought would be in your life decades more was so hard to imagine.
But look at what time and realization has done -- We are actually falling out of love with them.
Also, this:
Such great introspection to see past the blame and realize that we're not accountable. Well done!
Thank you.
Yes, there gets to a point where there isn't a person, a human being, left. Terribly sad. The human part of the brain is eroded away.
The part that remains working is the basic survival parts.
AH had a brain scan a while ago, we were shown the results, you could actually see what areas where brain cells were dead. Alcohol kills off the more delicate humane areas first. Leaves the tougher areas which deal with breathing, etc. All our gentle human characteristics are destroyed.
I needed to write that out for my benefit.
I cannot save AH. I can only save myself from the effects of his behaviour.
You mention me being a 'lifer' in marriage, this isn't so, it is that I have repeated the pattern of picking an addict to be with three times now. I do not want to do it again. So I am here to learn what not to do. To get myself well and mentally healthy. That is partly why I stay.
I am most definitely no longer in love with him. There is nothing left to love. He is an empty shell now.