Originally Posted by
honeypig 
LeeJane, I am so glad you have this newfound clarity about what is happening. It is still sad and painful to watch someone you love (or once loved) go down this path. However, it is so different when you are able to see it for what it really is, with open eyes, knowing it is not because of you, in spite of you, or really in any way related to you at all.
Alcoholism may take him, in the end, regardless of anything you do or don't do. I'm glad you have the strength not to let it take you down as well.
(((Hugs)))--it's still not an easy thing, but seeing the truth does make a difference.
Thank you so much for your kind reply. I was feeling pretty low so it came just at the right time for me. It is terribly sad when this disease takes people.
I used to love him but the drinking has taken it away. It gradually erode it away.
Seeing the truth does make a difference, it was what I needed to learn to be able to do.
I find with AH, it isn't the actual drinking that is the problem, it is the manipulation, denial, pretence, etc that is the crazy making part. Which as I mentioned recently, I came to discover AH does whether drinking or not.
But, yes all this would happen regardless of me being with him or not. It is usually peaceful and quiet in our home which he sees as a sign of us having a good relationship. That is wrong, it is that way because of me working my program.
Just out of interest, I recently tested the waters, I made brief mention of his alcoholism to him. Well he immediately launched a character assignation and criticism attack on me as a person. All the alcoholism clichés that it is ME who is too sensitive, that he just likes a drink, that there is something wrong with me that no one else would mind.
So, yes it would be that way all the time if I didn't work Al-anon.