escape
I also used my drinking to escape and here's what I realize now: escaping my life was also a way of subconsciously punishing myself. Because every time I checked out of life, even if it was just once a week, instead of dealing with reality, I robbed myself. I robbed myself of an opportunity to become a stronger, healthier person by facing whatever was happening around me. The escape that drinking promises is an illusion because it really traps us far more than just remaining present would have done. Sometimes we panic because there is so much we can't control and we think alcohol helps us get back that control. But this is just another illusion: alcohol convinces us it will give us back control and instead it makes our lives uncontrollable.