Originally Posted by
MissNewLife 
It sounds like you've fried your dopemine/seretonin receptors to the point where they just don't respond to anything anymore.
It will get better but it takes time - sober time.
Have you tried any face to face meetings? Rehabs? Program of action?
This is entirely possible. All my neurotransmitters could be shot out.
I haven't been to rehab. I have managed to quit everything but alcohol through sheer willpower alone. Alcohol I can stop for longer than a stint in rehab, it's the long term stopping I can't achieve. (every time I have withdrawn I use the appropriate dose of benzos as prescribed - and no more - so I am safe).
Meetings, no, I haven't. I used to be very against the god thing, but I think I can reconcile that with "spirituality" myself. I am just not sure what meetings would do for clinical depression? My psychiatrist told me they won't help with that, so I kinda just left it by the wayside. If the depression didn't come, I'd have a fighting chance at staying stopped. Do you guys think meetings have any effect on depression? I have time to go if they will help.
My current program of action is to utilise the modafinil appropriately. I spent the last 7 months on my bed only getting up for basic human needs and then drugs + alcohol. Now with the modafinil in my system I've started going out, working out, and reading a lot. I am hoping to keep myself busy enough that depression doesn't creep in. Modafinil also seems to lift my mood even if just slightly.
If that doesn't work it'll be old school MAOIs, Parnate probably, but that interacts negatively with alcohol and therefore scares the alcoholic part of my brain quite a lot.