Well I exercised last night and I feel much better. I cleaned, bought an ac filter, and I took out a lot of old papers.
I think I am realizing a lot of things about my family that I never perceived when I was drinking all the time. My father took Demerol when I was growing up and I remember him giving me one when my parents were fighting and I was very upset. I was 18? 19? I don't think you should give Demerol to someone to calm them down because everyone is fighting and arguing.
Little things like that disturb me. I did try to do too much but I don't think I am infected with anything or incapable of taking care of myself.
Now that I am out of that relationship I can see that I feel better alone right now.
Also, since I have entered recovery I have only been single for two months (!!) that cannot be healthy. I'm very glad I have a year sober because quitting drinking is the most difficult thing I have ever done.
My ex would show up unannounced at night and I think now I can feel comfortable where I live. I am going to go to a meeting tonight and cook myself dinner.
Thank you all for helping. The added stress from work may have tipped me over into anxiety hell a little. I just feel like I haven't had a break and I need one.
I'm going to focus on exercising and nutrition now so I will feel better once I start taking better care of myself.
Sorry for being a drama king