I think you're doing really great too Liz, I definitely can relate to what you are talking about here. Figuring out who *I* am outside of my relationships with others has been a very long road to demystify.
I think the fact that you have the time & space to examine this is a sign of being in a healthy relationship in & of itself. I think that these types of challenges are where a lot of my forward growth came from - no longer looking backward to what was but focused on where I was going instead. I had to sloooooow waaaaaaay down & reexamine my every decision for a while.... especially anything that was a knee-jerk reaction. I mean right down to, "Do I really prefer vanilla ice cream or am I just used to ordering it because it's easy" or whatever.
It takes a lot to reverse all that negative self-talk. I've found that if I told myself something 100 times in the past, I need to replace it with positive self-talk 1000 times for it to "stick". Hang in there, you have overcome SO much already that I know this piece will click into place for you soon too.
