Originally Posted by
lizatola 
Redatlanta, yes you are right. He chose me and I chose him. And, I actually do trust him more than I ever trusted my XAH even when our marriage was good. My bf is super honest with me about anything and he doesn't take things personally, at all. He makes relationships easy, honestly. I'm the one who makes things difficult for myself.
And, to be clear, I don't think he sees my insecurities as much as I do. I'm sure he knows I'm insecure just as most folks can be but I don't wear it on my sleeve. I've never acted jealous, but I've thought jealous thoughts. I've never tried to look at his text messages or fb messages, but I've wanted to! I don't pry, I don't push, I don't badger him for information unless I feel a nagging feeling that I must ask him something. I truly trust the man.
I am sure I don't have to tell you to "not" go down that snooping path. I used to be a snooper......the relationship before my current one cured me of that. First of all, I don't want to be in a relationship with someone that gives me reason to snoop (certainly there are those relationships mine was one). Secondly, my ex put a key logger on a computer he gave me just weeks into the relationship. I suspected it when we were going through a break up a year and a half later, but talked myself out of it. I kept that computer and used it for 2 years after, I even had it well into my relationship with RAH. (Funny thing is one of the "fantasy" ideals I had about the man was that he KNEW me so well. LOL.Even after we broke up HA). When I finally had the computer searched for the key logger almost 4 years after I got it I can only describe that I felt I had been raped. If snooping is part of a relationship, Either you don't need to be that in relationship, or the person whom you are snooping on doesn't need to be in a relationship with YOU.
Getting over my "snoopy" ways was a real freedom. I am not kidding that in near 6 years I have never once gone through RAH phone or computer.
Sometimes there is a real reason, or something that happens to take a peek - we all know that. Our own insecurity is never a reason. Transparency in the relationship is one of the best ways to avoid that nagging "hmmm wonder if". Accessibility, for me is pertinent. If my ex and I were traveling I always ad to ask him for a password to use a computer (which he never gave me but I knew anyway lol), and he would always have to open the computer first, and dilly dally on it before he would hand it to me. He was attached to his phone as if it were an appendage, and changed the passcode if ever he had to give t to me if I needed to use his phone (that became cat and mouse games of me trying to get the passcode. He stuck by that there was such secret information regarding his" top secret" work on the phone that he would be in legal violation for anyone to know the passcode. Yeah, right).
As you continue your recovery I really hope the jealousy and insecurity will fade - I think it will because you have come so far and are so introspective. No one should have to pay for the crimes of another.