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Anna I was also introduced to that kind of reality as a young child. Fortunately, years ago, I learned about the Law of Attraction. Positive thinking can create life-changing results. What you put out there is what you will get back.
Anna, agree 1000 %. Though it's very hard to go straight to positive thinking when one is so far in the dumps. Sleeps, I think listening to some of Abraham hicks on you tube might be of help. I certainly don't want to dismiss your feelings or aggravate you further, just think there is so much hope for you, and you CAN tap into it. Look how far you've come! Rockstar status.