I feel very...selfish now. "We invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt."
That is what I did in this relationship. Thank you for sharing your story with me. It has been difficult to get outside of myself but I had to get away from my abusive relationship because I could not think clearly and also have contact with this person.
I think I have been depressed about making too many big decisions when I first entered recovery. My counselor told me to not get into a relationship and I stayed with the person anyway. Today I want to just relax and read. At my home I do not feel comfortable or safe. I don't know what it is but I just can't relax because I feel so worried and scared all the time.
FEAR!
I drank to escape the fear. Now, I have to sit in the fear and accept it for what is. Now that I am not in a chaotic relationship I am beginning to feel better. I just wish I had escaped sooner. The regret.
But I am sober and I am going to get some sleep tonight! I worked today. Even if it is a temporary job I am still getting a paycheck. I am grateful.