Sometime I even hold my own hand, but it never feel even close to same as if somebody else holding it, you know?
Yes Cow I do understand. I have pretty bad anxiety so self soothing is something I have to do. I literally hold myself. I use Butterfly Hug Tapping to calm myself. It does work.
I have to have faith that with right direction 'things' will work out. Thinking any other way has no purpose. Some level of self pity is normal. But happiness is a choice. I believe I am my thoughts. If I allow myself to marinate in negativity, well that's what my reality will be. So I literally force myself not to indulge negative thinking. Its like I have an inbox in my head....if mail comes in titled "You're not good enough, you don't fit in, you're broken" I delete it. I don't open it up because its a virus that can infect all my other files. This is a choice. It has been my experience that many with SUD's and other mental illnesses have 'been through' a lot. It isn't a contest of who's life is worse. Preaching to the choir here
But this is my life and how I cope is what defines me. Not how someone treated me. If that defines me? The bad guys win.
Maybe some faith is what the dr. ordered!