Originally Posted by
maz36 
I'm very ashamed to say that my partner did bring home a bottle of wine for me and I did drink it. But it's important for me to point out for myself that I did NOT enjoy it.
The amazing fun and euphoria I thought that wine would bring didn't come. Instead I just feel muzzy-headed and kind of shameful.
The past four days - although it doesn't seem like very long to the outside world - felt very long to me. But for the first time in my life I imagined myself as a person who didn't drink. I also for the first time listened and heard my addiction talking rather than my own voice. It was like there are two different people battling inside of me. And I identified that so long as I tough out the cravings from 8pm - 11pm then they pass. I think I needed this to prove to myself that alcohol isn't even remotely as fun or exciting as I believed. I'm sorry I let everyone and myself down - but tomorrow's a new day and I'm moving forward from this. Thank you so much for your kind words. Hearing that there's light at the end of the tunnel and it gets easier from how I was feeling gives me hope. Please give me another chance.
Move on from the shame, maz - you just learned an important lesson, and had a breakthrough of sorts, I think.
I made my declaration to get sober while I was completely drunk. I had spent the evening drinking (alone, as per usual), didn't enjoy it - the thought of it made me want to throw up, but I kept doing it - and crying. Some happy buzz/euphoria, right? It had been building for weeks, until I finally could say, out loud and to someone else, that I couldn't let it continue and it was getting worse.
I hope you are feeling okay today. Use last night as a building block.