Day 4 - already about to cave
Me AGAIN. I'm sorry and I feel so pathetic constantly moaning - especially given all the inspirational stories I've read on here from folks who have suffered tremendously but came away stronger.
I'm only on day 4 but I am feeling very, very tempted and ready to quit. I'm off work tomorrow, the sun is shining (which is very rare here!) and I've had a hideous tension headache all day from my job. There is nothing I would love more than to find a film to watch, drink some wine and smoke. My usual ritual.
On the way home from work I phoned my mum and asked her if she thought I should get a bottle of wine. My family are all big drinker, she knows I drink but I don't think she realises I've been drinking a whole bottle alone every evening. She thinks I've given up alcohol because I'm on a health kick.
She said that I shouldn't but it was up to me. So I managed to resist. I spent as much time as possible this evening visiting with my family to distract me from temptation.
I'm home alone now. Now boyfriend is out working in the local pub. I just phoned him and asked him to bring me home a bottle of wine. He laughed, teasing me for giving up on my sobriety. He doesn't think I'm an alcoholic and thinks I'm being over-dramatic about the whole thing. I desperately want to believe he's right...
Anyway he said he didn't have any cash so couldn't get me one. As he was hanging up I told him to put it on his tab. I'm not sure if he heard me.
I'm not going to ring him back because I feel like if I pester him to buy me wine - then I've completely failed.
Given the lack of motivation and temptation I've experienced in last past 4 days do you think maybe I'm just not ready for sobriety?