Day 4 today. A little better physically, struggling a bit emotionally and spiritually, but I am sober.
Woke up at two worrying about work since I took yesterday off to recuperate. It's a chaotic place; competitive and quite nasty at times but it's a job. My views and values don't match at all, but being in recovery will give me options. I think of the last couple months and that feeling of being trapped...one of the worst feelings there is. The job I am working now is not one I interviewed for, or chose, it's a transfer due to reorganization. It's a bit of a nightmare, but soon I will have options again.
I want to learn to live without alcohol again and see the world open up. If I don't belong and it's not healthy for me I can go. For now it pays the bills, and I can squeeze out some new skills training while I get back on my feet. My reviews are excellent. I quit drinking just before things changed for the worse. I am so grateful there is a lot of hope for a new direction . But now isn't the time to jump. I want to get a firm footing in sobriety, and a clearer idea of my next step.
The anxiety is bad. I am still pretty weak. I can't wait for the weekend. Thank you so much for your help.