View Single Post
Old 06-07-2016, 07:53 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
SweatyHands
Brother of the Wolf
 
SweatyHands's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
...And today I was pushed. Hard. It was a perfect storm. I slept poorly last night, so I was tired and grumpy today. We are staying with my wife's parents who are both active alcoholics, and her mother is an absolute trainwreck. Her brother, who is also a big drinker, was over for dinner with his girlfriend, their (largely unsupervised) two year old daughter (who really wanted to yank on the tail of my very timid rescue dog), and the girlfriend's 10 year old daughter with an eating disorder. And my dry drunk and addicted to opioids abusive, racist father was over for dinner, just to make everything extra special. My wife's entire family talks very loudly over each other constantly. They interrupt each other, interrupt me, blow right past whatever anyone says about 50% of the time, and have the slurred, repetitive, and fairly incoherent narrative speaking style of your typical long-time day-drinkers.

Things were not great. To say the least. And to top it all off, my primary support system, my wife, was getting angry with me because I was displaying a high level of discomfort about the whole situation. I understand where this was coming from on her part. She wanted to spend time with her family, and she is not as sensitive to them as me, because she isn't an alcoholic. I'm not upset with her in the least, it was just rough to have that last pillar kicked out from under me. As the evening progressed, I had to at one point excuse myself to throw up from anxiety. I also had to fight the urge to lose it over two people making fun of the ten year old's weight, while her mother was yelling at her for not eating. (I'm in training to be a psychotherapist, and eating disorders are an area that I am very passionate about/compassionate towards.)

But, I focused on my breath, I stayed with my desire to live sober, and I kept my awareness of my body's contact with the earth. After I ate, I once again excused myself, this time to walk my dog and re-ground myself. And, here I am: ready to go to bed sober. The ship broke up on the rocks, and I was able to swim to shore by myself.

And, I'm proud to say, I found an opportunity to give the ten year old some words of compassion and encouragement--something that the ten year old me desperately needed/still needs.
SweatyHands is offline