Originally Posted by
fini 
Obladi,
i asked about is your belief about being powerless vs your experience. for me, those two didn't mesh for the longest time.
and for that time, i preferred my belief that indeed i had the power/control, and couldn't see my actual experience through any other lens.
Yup, that's what I meant. Being a person who sees myself as having control of my actions, it doesn't make sense that I don't seem to have control over the drinking, even when I have the best of intentions and am putting the work in.
Originally Posted by
fini -later again, i reconciled it this way (after hanging around with lots of concepts like choice, control, power, decision, commitment, agency) i always had the ability to stop and stay that way. the problem was, i didn't have the access to the ability. i didn't have the key, and the ability was somewhere locked up.
and since i couldn't access it, i didn't have the power. i couldn't do it.
Yes, this too.
Originally Posted by
fini after that, the next few years had more incoherence as i inched my way towards "the program", since knowing myself as a DRUNK didn't in any way equate to being powerless over alcohol!!
That seems like a contradiction - explain, please?