I am a walking contradiction.
Sometimes I sit and wonder what the hell goes on inside my head that tells me to go out drinking for hours on end like I did last yesterday. I'm sat on my bed right feeling groggy , ashamed ,upset and angry. Yesterday afternoon , I was sat at home feeling quite depressed ( Ive suffered from depression for years) mainly thinking about how all my smoking and boozing over the past ten years has damaged my body and how about if I carry on I could and probably will end up in an early grave. So upset with myself did I get with myself , that I got my coat on and headed down the pub with my wallet and pouch of tobacco where I stayed for the next 8 hours....................... I really don't understand myself.