Hi Ericar,
You might want to read on the friends and family of alcoholics board, too, as many of the folks there, including me, have similar stories. Read the "quakers" thread for some smiles and tears of recognition. (Many of are are not into the religious aspect of AA either. And, for everyone, the rule is "take what you need and leave the rest.")
I started out trying to follow RR methods. I really liked the book, and found the part about self-care particularly helpful, as it helped me to focus on what I could change and control, rather than what I couldn't. On the other hand, it made me even more obsessed with trying to figure out what he was up to, so that I would know when to reward him and when not, which was not conducive to anything positive.
However, at a certain point we all have to decide when enough is enough, and it sounds like you're getting to that point.
Your AH likely hasn't taken you seriously before because as you note, you don't really have a plan yet. Words without actions don't register with an alcoholic, in my experience.
Have you spoken with an attorney to find out your rights? You mention not wanting to move out of the family house. It sounds like you need to find out what you can/should do to put yourself, your toddler, and your new baby in the best possible position. Many attorneys offer a first consultation for free--you could look at Yelp for recommended attorneys in your area.
A couple of things that had to sink in before I was ready to leave were 1) marriage is not supposed to be a life sentence (spoken by my therapist but often repeated on the F&F board); and 2) by staying, I was enabling him to continue killing himself with alcohol. I was either the reason, or the excuse, for his drinking, and so long as I was around, nothing was going to change.
I tell you that because since leaving my AH 6 mos ago, I have a lot more leverage than I did living in the same house. I managed to get him to agree to a sobriety monitoring program in order to have custodial time with our children. That means for the first time in 20 years, he has to be sober in order to get something that he really wants, time with his kids. And he's managed to comply.
I hope you're able to breath and take care of yourself during this really stressful time.