The enablers topic has been on my mind all day. I suppose my enablers nearly killed me with their kindness. That's right, they thought they were being helpful.
I particularly have in mind employers and my supervisors who not only tolerated my behaviour, they made excuses for it, covered up for me, and let me away with all sorts of unnaceptable things. As a result I got worse.
The ones that really helped me were the ones I got angry at because they refused to tolerate my behaviour, make excuses or cover up, they made me face issues, and if I refused they fired me. The same would go for friends. Some tolerated, some fired me. In the end they all fired me, and I was alone, with only the desruction I had caused for company.
So then I get on the sober path, and what do I find? The exact same thing. There are enablers, who will drown me in sympathy, lie to me, put up with my "alcohlism" (crappy behaviours) do almost anything to avoid hurting my delicate little feelings. They almost killed me with their kindness too, telling me I didn't need to do what needed to be done, reassuring me that "it" would get better when they had no proof of that, and just generally swallowing any kind of nonsense I wanted to throw their way. These are the enablers most dangerous to the newly sober alcoholic, and they are everywhere.
Then there were the people who could really help, who would tell me the truth even if it might hurt my feelings. They told me what I needed to do, and they helped me do it. Instead of telling me I could cop out of anything I didn't like, they shared their experience and showed me the way forward. They explained what they had done to get where they were, and helped me along the same road. They put principles before popularity. They didn''t force it down my neck. It was my choice. I knew the could always go and work with someone else. But I wanted what they had, not what I had, and I was willing to go to any lengths to get it.
I have a feeling Fini will understand what I mean.