How's it going Tigressa? Did you call AA?
Last night I went to an AA women's meeting by myself and afterwards went out for dinner with some from the meeting. We had a good time and even continued the fun after dinner with ice cream.
It was a bit scary to do not knowing anybody but I made some new friends and enjoyed myself. A much better evening than sitting at home alone. I laughed and felt a part of a group for a little bit.
Take a risk and go to a meeting if you haven't yet. I am 50 days sober today and still counting my lucky stars to have my double (or triple) life days behind me. It can still sting (for example, yesterday someone mentioned something to me I have no recollection of - something he apparently showed me on his phone in my last blackout) but I didn't let the reminder of it drag me down. That was the old me. And the only reason I can be confident of that is because of my recovery.
Hugs, you are not alone.