I, too, am on the other side of the coin. Hopefully can offer some advice. I will agree that enablers/loved ones of addicts and alcoholics are extremely ignorant, at least at first. My AH first told me he had been taking pain pills, and my (internal) reaction was, "Great! He's finally come out about it, so we can move on now." Ha. By "pain pills" he REALLY meant he was using IV Heroin. I had no clue, I did no research on the cause/long term affects, I was very ignorant. I continued to allow him access to our bank account, etc ,etc... My point is, we are ignorant until we research days on end and understand what you and we are going through.
Once our eyes are opened and we are aware of what we are really dealing with, our struggle is keeping the peace daily. I would threaten to leave, he would promise to change, I would help him "one last time," I was too tired this or that day to really face the dramatic change that would come if I told him to get out, etc. We are sick also, and in our minds, after suffering alongside our alcoholic/addict for so long, we begin to think that keeping the peace and "helping" is really taking us the the right direction. As maia mentioned, read on the family/friends forum. You will read numerous stories of loved ones FINALLY reaching the point and drumming up the courage to tell their loved one "enough is enough!" which is excruciatingly painful and difficult to do when we really love our alcoholic/addict.
An aside -- I have been very supportive (or so I think I have) for my AH while he is in recovery. Told him I will support his recovery, but I will no longer support his active addiction if he goes back there. I can imagine not having this support or acknowledgement that each day is a struggle would be very difficult, and I am sorry you do not have that. Although it is not alcohol my AH struggles with, I can understand that for you every moment sober is a victory - so good on you!! I agree that if you are not receiving familial support from your family, surround yourself with others who GET it. Go to meetings, go to gatherings, etc and meet those who understand you, your struggles, and your victories.
I truly believe addicts/alcoholics who overcome their addictions are some of the strongest men and women in the world. Same goes for their loved ones. I've seen it and experienced it first hand. Most "outsiders" just can not understand. So it is very important to surround yourself with supporters who do. People you can do life with.
I hope my rambling has somehow helped?
