"It all boils down to my alcoholism. I feel utterly useless and worthless at times. Right now is one of those times.
What to do?!"
if its alcoholism, thennthat means ya drank. not only that, its prolly oldbehavior of blaming something that really isnt at fault. alcoholism is only active when we drink.
imo, its character defects/ shortcomings.
the answer lies within.
10th step sounds like a good idea.