Originally Posted by
Bunny211 
So I will have a year on June 6.
Congratulations, Bunny!!!
On June 4 I am going to a friend's wedding. I am an absolute mess over this. Let me preface this by saying I set the ball rolling by accepting the invite and doing more than I am capable of. I need to be able to better care for myself and say NO to engagements which make me uncomfortable.
That's good insight.
No, I am not scared I am going to drink. Drinking is off the table and, by the grace of God, my obsession to drink has been lifted.
Your sobriety comes first, and this is key that your obsession has been removed. We're allowed to go to venues that serve alcohol if our motives are right. (At first when I saw your post, I thought it was that you were anxious about going to a place where alcohol would be served.)
But, I am overwhelmed. I work 40 hours a week. 3-4 nights out of the week I have meetings. Once a week I meet my sponsor to go over my work. Once a week I meet with my sponsee to go over her work. I have church on Sundays and Bible study Thursday evenings. I am just a whirling dervish. And this weekend I am leaving Saturday morning, making an "amends" pit stop, and then driving 3 hours to a wedding, staying over, and then driving back on Sunday. I just feel like my entire "free time" has been shot. I'm tired. I am tired and hormonal and emotional.
You do sound like you are burning the candle at both ends.
I am also nervous. I don't have the right shoes. I don't have the right outfit. I've put on weight. I feel gross. I don't even have money to buy a new dress, or shoes. I had to scrape up cash to get a decent gift. I don't wanna go in my sub-par dress and sit there stone cold sober and make small talk with people.
I have to stop and e-hug you here, dear! That's all external b.s. I know you know that in your heart. Don't buy a new dress or shoes. Borrow from someone or just wear what you have. Put on a confident, warm, smile and let that be your #1 accessory. If someone gives you a dirty look because of how you're dressed, that is everything about *them* and nothing about you.
Sit there with a sparkling water and lime in a glass. No one will care that you're not drinking, if you don't make a big deal out of it or look anxious about it first. Just be calm and smile, and bring God into the day and everything will be alright. If small talk feels uncomfortable, sit with a smile and watch everyone enjoying the celebration. Feel the joy surrounding you and bring it into your heart.
If you find your mind going into fear, pause, breath, and say "God please help remove my fear."
I don't mean to be preachy. I should've shared my experience but this advice comes straight from the exact same experience....
It all boils down to my alcoholism. I feel utterly useless and worthless at times. Right now is one of those times.
You're getting another e-hug again Bunny!! You are a child of God, He loves you soooo much!!! It's just your ego telling you that you are useless and worthless. Thank it for sharing, and move on as the child of God that you are.
Just be. xoxo And ask God to remove the fear. Bring God with you as your companion to the wedding (right, Stevie, if you're reading this? :-) and all will be okay. Leave the wedding early and get a really good night of sleep before driving home the next day.
I'd also suggest you discuss with your sponsor how to carve out more self-care time. You know the old expression about us not being able to help others unless we help ourselves first? Maybe you're trying too many spiritual-growth things at once?
Be gentle and kind with yourself.
Edit: I just read other people's replies and I agree with them now. Perhaps it's best to come down with a case of a 24-hour virus or food poisoning, and send a gift and a note to apologize and wish them well. Shut off your phone, stay home, and nap!!!