When will I feel better? and How?
Cut a long story short - after four years I finally left my long term boyfriend (5 years). He was an alcoholic many years before I met him but at the time I was 18 and his reckless drinking didn't bother me. Now I am 23 and I have graduated and want to settle and I can no longer have him in my life because of the alcoholism and the associated consequences.
The biggest problem for me is that I thought I would feel free. However the alcohol mixed with an intense relationship turned him abusive at points in our relationship, and I always was responsible for him when he drank. Now, I still cannot let go and anxiety cripples me.
We keep in contact but I am in constant panic about when he next gets really drunk as he has been known to come to my mothers house (where I am now living) and bang on the door, causing us both a lot of distress, as he shouts and screams until we answer. He also does other things like leave me voice messages that are abusive or rings me to cause arguments. I can never relax because I dont know when he is drinking.
I cannot simply tell him to go away because when hes drunk he loses all grasp of control and would do it anyway. I want to be his friend, but I cannot deal with the worry.
We had a horrible relationship when he was drunk. I once had to call an ambulance for him because he was so drunk I was worried he might die, and he has been robbed before and put in the back of a van by some really dodgy men. I left because I no longer could cope with the stress of looking after him when he drank. I was mentally very unwell, and now I'm still struggling to be free.
p.s I can't move house.