First Wedding Sober
So I will have a year on June 6. On June 4 I am going to a friend's wedding. I am an absolute mess over this. Let me preface this by saying I set the ball rolling by accepting the invite and doing more than I am capable of. I need to be able to better care for myself and say NO to engagements which make me uncomfortable.
No, I am not scared I am going to drink. Drinking is off the table and, by the grace of God, my obsession to drink has been lifted. But, I am overwhelmed. I work 40 hours a week. 3-4 nights out of the week I have meetings. Once a week I meet my sponsor to go over my work. Once a week I meet with my sponsee to go over her work. I have church on Sundays and Bible study Thursday evenings. I am just a whirling dervish. And this weekend I am leaving Saturday morning, making an "amends" pit stop, and then driving 3 hours to a wedding, staying over, and then driving back on Sunday. I just feel like my entire "free time" has been shot. I'm tired. I am tired and hormonal and emotional.
I am also nervous. I don't have the right shoes. I don't have the right outfit. I've put on weight. I feel gross. I don't even have money to buy a new dress, or shoes. I had to scrape up cash to get a decent gift. I don't wanna go in my sub-par dress and sit there stone cold sober and make small talk with people.
It all boils down to my alcoholism. I feel utterly useless and worthless at times. Right now is one of those times.
What to do?!