I feel your desperation. The only way out of a hole is to stop digging deeper and climb out. And it's ok to take a helping hand in the process.
Aa shouldn't be religious but some fellowships are more 'christian'. Try different meetings. It is spiritual however, but you define what that means for you. I've tried for so long to see my addiction as merely a brain condition, which it is, partly. But the shame , the self hate, the helplessness? That comes from the injury is has caused to my spirit. Or I have let it cause. The program of AA can help with that. Don't close the door on something that might help. Certainly can't hurt.
Self harm. I guess going into a lot of detail can be triggering so I won't. But yes, it is an addiction, partly. The steps can help you with that. Counseling can really help. But just like that first drink, you have to make a choice to reach out before you start down that path.