People love to gossip about others who are "suffering", so your secret might not be as secret as you think.
In your post I heard you say you know you have a problem and that you've tried to stop....I didn't hear that you wanted to stop. You have to want it like nothing you've wanted before. And going by your recent history, it would be a good idea. This site a good start. Post every day, ask for advice, create friendships with people here. I wish you the best.