I can really relate to the shame in living a double life. I did it too, for years. I finally got over my hangups about going to AA and went to a meeting. Today I have 46 days sober. I have quit so many times on my own due to my hating the double life, but I credit AA with my perseverance this time. Without the help of others I would not have so many days sober.
Please think about going to aa - you can stop loving this double life. Take it from me, I feel so much healthier than I did 2 months ago and it gets better every day.