When Will It Be Enough?
Hi, I just don't know what to do anymore. Feel like I'm living this secret life that just nobody knows about and I don't know what I would do if the people around me did find out. I have done so many stupid things the past couple of weeks when drinking. I know I have a problem. It's not I don't. But no matter how much I try to stop drinking I continue to do so. I get very anxious at nights and just don't know how to deal with it. I've overdrafted my bank account twice in 1 week. I pawned jewelry just to get more money and blew it in less than 2 days. I've done lots of dangerous, stupid things. Going up on the parkway alone at 3 in the morning, falling down the embankment part way in poison ivy. If I had fell farther I probably wouldn't have been found for days. And last night going home with some random guy. So much shame which just compounds the problem. Don't know what to do at this point. It's just like how many more stupid things do I need to do until it makes me stop? Can I stop on my own? Or am I going to have let everyone around me find out all my secrets and go to an outpatient or inpatient program? Tried to go to AA meetings but can't bring myself to walk in due to anxiety around people. Just so lost and defeated. Any suggestions appreciated. Thanks for listening.