Hi Robin, Borderlines are difficult and it's difficult to treat. Therapy is supposed to be best. Obviously alcohol or drugs make things a lot worse. So her getting sober is a big step. That being said, I've read and been told by doctors that a borderline can do ok if they are lucky enough to have a stable, loving, secure environment when they are children. To foster self esteem and trust and to help with relationship ability. I know that it probably would have made a difference in my life. If her childhood was difficult-I certainly don't know your family's situation and am not inferring you did a bad job-we all do the best we can at the time-I know my parents did, all I can say is to educate yourself about her condition and to try to build on your relationship. Basically for me-I need to feel safe. I need to feel loved-not just told it-but I've got to feel it. I need to feel I can trust people. I need to feel that I'm wanted. Anything that will help her self esteem. So anything you can do that will encourage those things, would be good. But it will be difficult, as Borderlines are known for bad moods-rages even and an inability to trust. I know my father -when I was in my teens thought I didn't care about him because of the way I acted-but I was really crying out for help. He didn't understand-had no idea-so sent me away-furthering the feeling that I was not wanted. Realize that she is ill when she's acting out-but gently call her on it-I don't think it helps if people say "well this person is ill, so they can't help it, so I'll let them act inappropriately." Try and use positive statements when you do this as opposed to negative ones. I hope some of this helps. Good luck and your daughter is lucky to have a mother that is taking an interest in her condition.
Sincerely, Cate.