It's already been said in this thread. Recovery begins with surrender. Not just to your disease, (as in you can't have just one and it destroys your life when you use), but to the process of recovery.
That means participating in the program entirely. Even when you don't feel like it. Even the parts that you don't want to do.
You are right about one thing - the disease will kill you if you do nothing.
There is nothing to grasp. The NA basic text puts it this way "you don't have to understand this program in order for it to work, all you need to do is to follow direction".
The directions aren't all that hard.
- go to a meeting every day
- call someone before you get loaded
- get the numbers of the people that are so together that they scare you
- call those people a lot, when you feel like using, when you don't feel right, and at least one every day
- from one of those people create a sponsorship relationship with them
- work the steps with the guidance of your sponsor
- don't use alcohol or other drugs today, no matter what happens, and no matter how you feel
- change who you hang out with, and where you hang out.
- lather, rinse, repeat
Recovery isn't magical, it takes time, and it takes perseverance. But it does work.
You're not different, unique, or defective. You just need to give yourself a break.