Stop fighting and
surrender.
It took me 25 years of being in and out of AA before I worked those steps and a miracle took place. I was 50. 5 years later, I really wish I had stayed stopped earlier in my life. 5 years of sobriety and I am so relieved I don't need to drink to live today.
Your choice.....sober or not? Make a decision and stick with it and pick up that toolbox of recovery actions and DO them.
You CAN stay stopped and have an awesome life!!!